3 Things I want second time moms to know.
If you’re been following me since I was pregnant with Franky, you know that that pregnancy brought me fears. Of course I was ecstatic and joyful and loved that little man from the day I found out he was inside of me but that bond I had with Ava - that was a bond I was scared to lose. (click here to read that post)
The second Franky made his debut into this world, all of those fears were eased. But quickly, those fears turned into guilt and feeling sorry for my sweet little girl.
She was used to all the attention and in my eyes, it’s great that she now needs to learn patience and she now is learning (slowly but surely) how to share. But what kills me is when she feels she now comes second. Or heck, maybe she doesn’t even feel that way - maybe it’s just me projecting that on her - but either way, I always want her to know that she’s the center of my world. They’re both the center of my world.
No matter how many times I say, “Give me a second, I’m feeding Franky” or “I’ll play as soon as I change Franky’s diaper,” I never want my sweet Ava Sue to think she’s second. I’ll keep this short and sweet as I tend to talk your ears off but after 10 months of being a mama to two, these are the things we have been focusing on to ensure Ava continues to know she is never second in our eyes.
My best advice for second time moms.
1. Make an early bed time for baby #2.
You know it’s funny because this one wasn’t planned at all. I had dreams of reading to both kids together before bed, bathing them and snuggling them and saying our bed time prayer together as a family. And while I’m sure those dreams will come one day in the future, Franky has made other plans for us... and I kind of really love it.
Franky has decided that 5pm is his bed time (don’t ask — he wants to sleep so I let him sleep) and we start Ava’s bed time routine around 7:30pm. So that gives us dinner and playing and lots of one-on-one time to focus on Ava and Ava alone and I think it’s been great for all of us.
2. Cheer on your first born more than feels natural.
When you’re a baby, everyone claps and cheers at everything you do — Franky claps his hands and we say “yayyy!” Franky climbs that Pikler Triangle and we cheer him on. He eats food and we clap for him and he says “mama” and we shout “hooray!” and video it 234 times with pure excitement on our faces. And as those milestones begin to slow down, as a baby turns into a toddler, the cheering slows down too.
Cheer on your first born and be annoying about it.
Ava slides down a slide that’s fit for a baby and we cheer her on like she’s done the most amazing thing in the world. And you should see how her face lights up when we do! Cheer them on... even when it’s not natural and I promise, it’ll make a difference and you’ll see it.
3. Date your first baby.
We each date Ava... alone. No Franky in sight. It’s not that she doesn’t love him and in all honesty, she usually asks if he can come along but I truly believe that taking her out on her own is huge. She and I grab Starbucks and get our nails done together or Frank takes her in his “super fast car” to grab ice cream. And when we had Grandma watch Franky so we both could take her to see Frozen 2 in the theaters, you would’ve thought she won the lottery with the excitement that that day brought her.
If you’re expecting baby #2, you’ve probably got fears and guilt. And that’s all normal — promise. But I also promise your life is going to change and it’s going to be even more amazing than you could have ever imagined. Yes, your heart really can continue to grow.
